It's still fun to sit back and watch the clouds stroll by.

My class took a trip to the Vo-Tech school today. I really don't like how they expect us to have any idea of what we want to do with the rest of our lives. Not everyone is going to know right now, honestly. There are kids I go to school with that are in the midst of a massive identity crisis, and there's no room for deciding the routes of their lives quite yet. A person needs to have control over who they are, before they can choose something like that. What if we're not ready for that big of a decision yet? Some kids in my school still act like they're in the fourth grade, it's amazing the incapability some of them have. I'm not calling my 'peers' stupid, but they don't apply themselves. I mean, I know what I want to do. I want to be a comedian. I want to be like Sarah Silverman. ...What are the odds of that happening though? Obviously I'm going to need some sort of backup plan...and I don't exactly know what that is yet. There's journalism, teaching, photography, things like that, that I'm interested in as well. Today I was told that I'd make a good doctor. I'd be a terrible doctor, actually. "You have Cancer, you're going to die." -Right then and there, I'd probably start laughing and add an, "It sucks to be you." on the end. Last year, while picking classes, we were told to choose thing that fit our career path. They expect us to be certain already? It's insane. I still want to build sandcastles at the beach, and eat ice cream afterward. I don't want to grow up yet, life will be too complicated.

I love how boy my age think a girl is beautiful because her boobs look big in a bikini. I'm just really annoyed right now, and it's pretty self explanatory. I can't think of any way to elaborate on this. Aside from the fact that I'm not the most attractive person in the world, I think I don't have a boyfriend because of how stupid the guys around me are. There's really no point in trying to find someone around here. I don't even worry about boys that often, I just saw something earlier that kinda made me mad. Maybe I'll just be the 'friend' type for quite some time, because I don't play dumb, and because I won't expose myself to the world. I suppose I'm going to end this post, because I don't want to make myself sad.

OH. By the way, I updated my about me image. I just took a screen shot of my MySpace profile. Enjoy.

I think he'd be amazing to see live.

I've come to realize that I don't ever apply myself. I'm not good at anything. When I actually do, I get let down. Test-taking is a good example. Say we have a math test...I'll actually apply myself because I know I don't do well in math. I try really hard to do well, and I actually think about what I'm doing. When I get the test back, I'm always disappointed. The first 'chapter' text we took, I got a C on it. I took another on Friday and got an 89. It makes me really sad knowing that when I actually apply myself to something, it only comes out B-material. That's not good. It's horrible, actually. I really want to do well in later life, and it's starting to show that 9th grade is the most important school-year of my life. The GPA you get now follows you all the way through. If I'm only going to be B-material, I don't think I'll get anywhere. I don't think anyone understands how fully paranoid about school I am. It's ADD, it's OCD, it's terrible. My younger brother is in fifth-grade, and he got a better math score on his state-tests than I did. I realize that the most they're doing are simple Algebraic-equations, but still. I joke around about with friends and family, but it really bothers me. People tell me that I'm smart, but I've been looking at it from an 'outside' angle. I think I'm just normal. I don't want to be normal but I think that's all I'll ever amount to.

This whole thing was driven by the fact that I bowl on Saturdays. I've been doing it for about three-four weeks, and I really haven't improved at all. On the last game today, I got a 59. That's horrific. Although, if the point-system worked like golf, I'd probably be a God.

I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud - William Wordsworth

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars
that shine and twinkle on the Milky Way,
They stretched in never-ending line
along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
in such a jocund company:
I gazed - and gazed - but little thought
what wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.




We're doing a poetry unit in English. Although Wiki says this poem belongs in a 7th grade text book, it's in our 9th grade one. It's probably my favorite...ever.